Cornerback Brandon Carr said he is still thinking about the murder-suicide of a former teammate in Kansas City, that he had a hard time playing last week against Philadelphia, and that he does not sleep much right now.
“I’m still thinking about it. I thought about it before the game, during the game, especially when I’m laying in bed, closing my eyes,” he said. “I don’t really get too much sleep nowadays.”
Carr said he was close to both linebacker Javon Belcher and girlfriend Kasandra Perkins. Belcher shot her and then killed himself Saturday morning, authorities said.
“She was near and dear,” Carr said. “We were a family at Kansas City. Couples would go out all together. We all came in contact with each other.”
With a sigh, he continued, “There are a lot of lives that have been affected by this incident. People that were close, people who weren’t as close. My household, we’re still in shock.”
Carr said he is avoiding coverage of the deaths.
“I don’t really watch too much TV nowadays, and when I do, seeing this stuff how it unfolds, everyone has an opinion, it’s just so sad that two lives are taken at such a young age with a daughter who will not grow up to see her parents,” he said. “Everyone has something to say. I’m not dealing with it. I’ve got so much going on handling with the loss as it is, I don’t want to see any of the he-says, she-says stuff.”
Carr said he got a text message from his fiance early Saturday morning about the shootings.
“I never got a text like that before from her,” he said. “She wouldn’t send me – it wasn’t April Fools – so it was real, and it was serious. Just from talking to her on the phone, just seeing how she was sounding I knew this was for real.”
Carr said the Cowboys have been supportive, from the players to the coaches and others.
“Since Day One, they’ve always been good teammates,” he said. “They’ve always had my back. This situation is a prime example. Their words of encouragement. I know a lot of them didn’t even know I had left for the day, but as soon as they found out, guys were texting me, calling me. I get to the hotel, guys are checking me, saying prayers, and just being there for me, and that’s all you can do for a person is whatever I needed, they didn’t hesitate to help me out. They helped me get through this. I told them before the game, ‘I love you. You’re my brothers now. I’ve got your all’s backs.’ At the same time, they responded and they carried me through the game.”
Carr said at times he felt like he was going through the motions in Sunday’s game, but he made it through. He said having his parents in town helped him emotionally, also.
“They were flying in the morning of, so as soon as they got here, they already knew. They were there for us,” he said. “My mom, she was a shoulder for me to lean on and cry on and just talk to. We all go through things in life that are tough, just trials and tribulations, and she was there for me just to keep me upbeat and keep me positive, try to keep my head up.”
Carr said the pain will not go away soon.
“This is probably going to stick with me for a very, very, very long time,” he said. “You just have to learn how to cope and deal with it. I’m a firm believer in Christ, so I can’t question his plan, I can’t question his actions, none of his work that he’s done on this earth. Until my time comes, I can just continue to be just the best person I can every day.”
-- Carlos Mendez