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South Korea erupts in celebration after its bribe secures '18 Winter Olympics

P09b Fort Worth/Dallas is in a state of shock after learning its bid to host the 2018 Winter Olympics failed. It didn't help the region didn't actually bid, but that's not the point.

The point is today in South Africa, the IOC announced that South Korea came up with the best series of bribes to beat out a pair of European cities to host the 2018 Winter Games. Apparently Munich's guarantee of free beer for all IOC voters at the Hoffbrau House and Annecy, France's promise of free Coleco Visions for all voters were not enough to overcome South Korea's pitch of free cash.
This is how effective South Korea's bribes were - the IOC voters were able to disregard a sales pitch from German figure skater/foxy lady Katarina Witt. Can you imagine how many Euros were stuffed in those Katarina-witt briefcases to say no to Katarina Witt? She's, like, 50 and still bringing it.

South Korea sent women's figure skater Kim Yu-na, proving once again that we no longer live in a sexist society run mostly by packs of horny old white dudes.

France reportedly sent actor Gerard Depardieu, who in French fashion surrendered during his sales pitch. 

NBC, which has spent billions over the years to secure broadcasting rights, can't be very pleased about this. The time change from that part of the hemisphere to "the world" isn't nearly as easy as that of Europe. The 2008 Summer Games were held in Beijing, where the IOC agreed to host the swimming events in the a.m. over there so it would be prime time in the U.S. and we could all watch Michael Phelps do his thing. 

Of course, by 2018 TV will no longer exist and we'll be watching the games on our watches and IOC bribes will be a thing of the distant past.


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