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07/07/2011

Top 5 manliest ways to go out ...

Grizzly-bear-2 This story isn't really funny - a man was recently mauled by a grizzly bear at Yellowstone National Park.

But having recently rappelled down the 26-story XTO Building in downtown Fort Worth, it did remind me of one of the funnier lines Leslie Neilsen delivered in "The Naked Gun":

ED: That's no way for a man to die.
FRANK: No ... you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening ... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go!

So between this poor guy and the Grizzly Bear and my non near-death experience, here is a short list of the top 5 manliest ways people have exited stage left ...

Istnasatragedy 5. The men of the Apollo 1 space mission
The early days of American's sprint into space travel and hyper-fast aviation is punctuated with names such as Yeager and Glenn, but we tend to forget the people who didn't fare as well. Men like Gus Grissom. Grissom was one of the original Mercury astronauts, and the second American to fly into space. A fire swept through his craft killing Grissom, Ed White and Roger Chaffee during a pre-launch test for another mission.

4. The men of Magellan's trip around the world
Ferdinand Magellan's trip around the world remains one of the greatest feats of nautical navigation in recorded history. It had never been done before, and it wasn't repeated for several years after the voyage returned to Seville. A crew of 237 set out in 1519, but when the fleet returned in 1522 only 18 made it. Magellan wasn't one of them.

3. The men on the whaling ship, The Essex
This whaling ship left Nantucket in 1819. What ensued inspired a certain author to write Moby Dick; how many people can brag about getting attacked by a whale? In 1820, a sperm whale attacked the party. Some men survived by drifting about 3,000 miles over three months. Most men didn't make it. Those who did really suffered.

PBS’-American-Experience-Presents-The-Greely-Expedition-Documentary 2. The men of the Lady Bay Franklin and Greely Expedition
In 1881, a former U.S. Civil war soldier named Adolphus Greely led a large expedition to the Northern Polar regions to set up meteorological observation stations. As you can imagine, things didn't go well. The expedition was abandoned, food ran out and as men began dropping some resorted to cannibalism. 
After three years, the group was finally rescued. Only six men survived, but Greely's data actually survives and is still used. 

1. The Donner Party
Don't have to say much here. This group of pioneers in a wagon train headed for California met a fate so nasty it's become an American legend. These people really suffered when they got stuck in Nevada, so much so that "Donner Party" is synonymous with cannibalism. And they didn't even have a Fry Daddy. Of the 87 people who set on on this voyage, 48 didn't make it to Cali.

Godfather33 1a. Sonny Corleone at the tollbooth
Hard not to include Sonny on a list like this. This dude went out the way he lived - hard. 

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Comments

Big Ups

Nice article. It has nothing to do with anything. Perfect piece of random, fun journalism.

Andrew Cunningham

No death is more manly than Jerry O'connell getting eaten alive in piranha 3D

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