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04/20/2012

An open plea to Nicholas Sparks: Please stop

Nicholas-sparks 3Nicholas Sparks, you did good. Speaking on behalf of millions of men, it is time to stop and just count your money. That should keep you occupied for at least another 40 years.

What you are doing to the male species is cruel, and needs to end. No more books, and for the love of God no more movies.

Men across the globe shudder at the idea of being dragged to or guilted into watching one more of these sappy tales that sets the bar high so high that John Cusack's character in "Say Anything" would say, "No way, man".

Today's release of the new Zac Efron movie should do it. Apparently "The Lucky One" is a miss (If US Weekly doesn't like it, you know it sucks). When it comes to Nicholas Sparks' "movies", the male viewer typical is the unlucky one.

This is not condemnation of the romance genre. Even the most bitter and annoyed male viewer can find some value and entertainment in any number of romantic themed films. 

Por ejemplo ...

"When Harry Met Sally" is a movie we can all enjoy.
"Titantic", not because of Kate and Leo but primarily because a giant, man-made boat made of "metal and brawn" sinks in a very painful way.
"Pretty Woman" was a charming movie for both boy and girl alike.
And perhaps the greatest romantic tale ever told, "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

With the release of "The Lucky One", seven Sparks' books have been made into films:

"Message in a Bottle" in 1999 starring Kevin Costner and Robin Wright. Why?  If Costner isn't playing baseball or golf, it can't be any good.

"A Walk to Remember" in 2002 starring Mandy Moore (score) and Shane West. If Mandy Moore isn't singing, I'm not buyin'.

"The Notebook" in 2004 starring Rachel McAdams (score), Ryan Gosling and James Garner. This movie is like "Rocky" in that it's on cable TV at all hours.

"Nights in Rodanthe" in 2008 starring Richard Gere and Diane Lane. Once again Diane Lane is unable to maintain love.

"Dear John" in 2010 starring Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum. Painful. 

"The Last Song" in 2010 starring Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth. Sadly, this has not been Hannah Montana's last song.

The_Lucky_One_36"The Lucky One" in 2012 starring Zac Efron and Taylor Schilling.

Hell hath no fury like a Sparks-ian novel/movie where cute actresses fall for impossibly hair-less men only to have their love crushed by life, a mud slide, a storm at sea, a disease or something else. Fortunately, however, the young people always have an aging veteran thespian, who was once hot, to provide sage advice.

Mr. Sparks has done exceedingly well writing the exact same thing, and he has much to be proud of. I wish I had thought of it.

Considering I did not, however, I have but one request: Please, stop.

 

 

 

@MacEngelProf
tengel@star-telegram.com 
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Comments

The UNlucky One

...Saw it...it was aweful

Jennifer L.

It was a beautiful love story and I cried my eyes out.

Lyn

Sweetest movie I've ever seen. Zac was so sweet and gentle. I think that is how is he in real life. You have to go see this one!

Drew

Normally you couldn't drag me to these types of movies but my gf drug me to it and I liked it. She cried her eyes out and thought Zac was 'the sweetest thing ever' but I thought it was watchable.

Tiffany

Me and my girl friends have already seen it twice. Zac is a total cutie and sweetie! Love him

Tiffany

We are going to see it again today! AWESOME MOVIE!!! ZAC IS THE SWEETEST! YOU HAVE TO TELL ALL YOUR READERS TO GO SEE IT!!!

Angus Burger n' Fries

really??????? zac efron??? the movie looks lame. so lame i cant believe a sports blog would even mention it

Amber

LOVED IT! Went to it 3 times this weekend! LOVE ZAC!

Mandi & Candi

WE LOVE ZAC!!!!! We are skipping school to go see it for the 2nd time! We LOVE Charlie St Cloud!!!!

Caroll

I love Zac Efron. His personality is perfect for me. He was so sweet and caring in the Lucky One.

Brian

The movie sucked but I did cry six times and that was just during the credits.

Landon Carter

I made you a tumblr.

nicholassparks.tumblr.com

Casey & Tiffany

We are watching The Notebook then going to see the Lucky One for the 5th time!!!! WE LOVE ZAC EFRON!

Canada

After finding out that there will be a movie version of my favorite book the Lucky One, I hurried into the nearest cinema in our town. Therefor I conclude that what ever The Lucky One is, movie or book, It is the best.

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