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07/24/2014

Using the Enigma to decipher Jerry Jones

Enigma1_typ2.jpg3e3c2394-d3c1-4c94-8274-bd94fed556e8LargerIn World War II, Great Britain used a piece of equipment called the “Enigma” – a crude looking typewriter that decoded messages sent by the Germans. Historians claim this machine shortened the war in Europe by two years.

In 2014, I am using the same piece of hardware to decipher the messages sent by Dallas Cowboys owner/GM/president/chief scout/assistant head coach Jerry Jones. No one will claim this machine will shorten the frustrations of the Dallas Cowboys by two seconds.

Sitting next to head coach Jason Garrett on Wednesday afternoon in Oxnard, Calif., the team men met with the media for 45 minutes in their “state of the team” address to start training camp.

Here are 10 deciphered messages from JJ:

No. 1 – “I’d like to start by thanking you and expressing my personal appreciation as well as the Cowboys appreciation for you being here. The kind of effort for you and your organizations made it’s a big thing for our fans.”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “Thanks for the free publicity. You all are such loyal suckers.”

No. 2 – “In terms of the record of this team, this is not a make or break situation for Jason.”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “I reserve the right to change my mind. If we stink, and I don’t have to pay this guy to go away, goodbye.”

18vkJ2.St.58No. 3 -  “There is nobody that has a better feel for me than Jason.” 

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “Jason knows exactly how to placate me, and validate my football opinions.”

No. 4 - “Which point in time you want to go? Today it looks like you have three straight (defensive coordinators). At the time we went with Monte (Kiffin), it had been two straight with fresh off of Rob (Ryan).”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “If we move around the timeline enough, it won’t look like we have changed defensive coordinators in three straight years.”

No. 5 - “(The absence of) Sean Lee motivated me a little bit. Period. Somebody thought he could play some football somewhere.”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “We’re so screwed at linebacker, so maybe we will win the lottery and Ronaldo McClain will play and be good.” 

No. 6 – “I’ve known a lot of successful people that quit. And then got it together and came back and really made something of what they quit.”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “I’ve known people who are alcoholics and quit drinking, but came back to be even better drinkers.” 

No. 7 - “Ronaldo is a guy I think has a chance. He was obviously well compensated when he came into the league. I can tell him first hand money doesn’t last forever if you don’t keep it coming and you spend it. You might have a different appreciation (of football) if you are out of dollars. I am not saying he is out of dollars but he is less some dollars then he was a few years back. That will motivate you sometimes."

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “Ronaldo McClain needs money.”

F8DRg.St.58No. 8 - “It’s all fungible.”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “It’s all fungible.”

(It sounds funny, but he got this right; the question was about the money allocated for Kyle Orton and how it can be spent elsewhere.)

No. 9 – “On paper we are a better team with our defense than on paper than we lined up against Philadelphia in the last game of the year. We have better players.”

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “It could not have been much worse.”

No. 10 – “We’ll consider that (bringing in DT Josh Brent if/when he is permitted)."

Jerry Enigma Code Breaker: “Oh, that’s done. He’s here.”

 

@MacEngelProf
tengel@star-telegram.com
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Comments

no job, my baby left me, and my dog died

I love football and I'm a loyal Dallas area sports fan but it's hard for me to get excited about a team whose prospects are so poor and predictable. I'm betting we go 8 and 8 (again) and we don't make the playoffs (again). It gets harder and harder to get excited about this team. Jerry needs to remove himself or sell the team to a real football man.

Davidmar

Broncos Owner, Pat Bowlen, had the courage to step down when he realized that he could no longer function as owner with Alzheimer's. One of his seven children will take over control of the team when they're ready. To my point, to listen to Jerry babble at his press conferences you have to wonder if Jerry's synapses are misfiring. Despite his "40 year old brain", I can't make sense of a damn thing he says let alone what his vision is for the team. I hate to think about another ten years of watching Jerry ramble incoherently as his mental faculties continue to deteriorate.

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