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08/07/2012

Writer, Fatter, Slower: The wisdom of Lochte, land of 100,000 condoms

Angel face
Ryan Lochte good sport but so stupid

As the Olympics unfold star jocks rise to the headlines and as they do their past bubbles up too. Lucky us. Take for instance Ryan Lochte, he's been on the receiving end of the microphone on many occasions and his interviewers take obvious pleasure in playing stump the hump. Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyUyLwAfolo&feature  Lochte takes a fashion quiz.  Yes, there's a math portion too:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=ZxKW_g_Xx50

Lochte's sporting life:

So, he's not the brightest, but he'll do fine in the athlete's village and he expects to. "My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend -- big mistake," Lochte says. "Now I'm single, so London should be really good. I'm excited." Thanks to ESPN we now know what we've always suspected  - the Olympic Village is awash in random hookups. According to reporter Sam Alipour "The Olympic Village is one of the world's most exclusive clubs. To join, prospective members need only have spectacular talent and -- we long assumed -- a chaste devotion to the most intense competition of their lives. But the
image of a celibate Games began to flicker in '92 when it was reported that the Games' organizers had ordered in prophylactics like pizza. Then, at the 2000 Sydney Games, 70,000 condoms wasn't enough, prompting a second order of 20,000 and a new standing order of 100,000 condoms per Olympics."  Read it all in ESPN The Magazine's July 23 Body Issue: http://espn.go.com/olympics/summer/2012/story/_/id/8133052/athletes-spill-details-dirty-secrets-olympic-village-espn- 

 

High drag in tandem 

Drag swimmers
The Russian synchro swimmers, Natalia Ishchenko and Svetlana Romashina, look like contestants in RuPaul's Drag Race. Should the television show ever run short of ratings they could relocate the set underwater. Doing the drag act dripping wet would be quite entertaining, and I bet Ru and the Queens could make nose plugs look glam. 

Whose bad idea was this?

Running and whining
Here is a sport that the queens would not touch with a six-inch mascara wand steeplechase without the horses. It requires running and jumping into a puddle so the race is run in wet shoes. It's not a happening drag sport. 

Chappies

Have we been kind enough to London, England, the Queen, her granddaughter (thanks for showing her 5 minutes of equestrian events NBC) and all things British? Yes?

Great, we can make fun of them now, and here are some pointers from a Brit publication, Chap Magazine. They have sponsored a competition since 2005 that features umbrella jousting, butler baiting, cucumber sandwich discus, and the one event that I don't want to contemplate too long, moustache wrestling. According to the magazine, It's “a celebration of athletic ineptitude and immaculate trouser creases."  http://thechapmagazine.co.uk/  

--Gaile Robinson

 

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